Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Giant Pizza

Why does one make a giant pizza?
Because one has a giant pizza dish.

Why does one have a giant pizza dish?

I was wandering aimlessly like a good consumer through the local Mitre10 Mega (hardware store so big it has a cafe) when a something in the distance caught my attention, it was flat, metallic, and disc-shaped.
It turned out to be an 80cm stainless steel 'platter', but I knew it's true calling, this was to be a pizza dish.
I promptly returned several weeks later when I could afford it, and took my dish back to the flat to gong unsuspecting hangover victims.

Step 1: Find a way of cooking it.

Our oven was dwarved by the sheer girth of the pizza dish, as was our fridge and washing machine. Being winter, the use of either bonfires or a solar death ray proved impractical. Fortunately just down the road is an oven girthy enough to dwarf our pizza dish, at Bella Takeaways, the local chinese italian pizza and pasta place.

Our trip to the pizza place was also a stark reminder that pizzas need a base to survive. We later bought 8 pizzas worth of dough for a very reasonable $15. I never got the cheerful chaps name, so I'll call him Chin.

Step 2: Put something on it.

Since this was to be a pizza to feed many, it would have to cater to all tastes, which would have been easy if there weren't two vegeterians present. The pizza will be constructed from many tasty meats, and have some veges in a corner or something. Time to go shopping.

$100 all up. Here's the fruits of my next few weeks food budget. Notice how dwarfed the jug looks.

2kg of cheeses, a bag of parmesan, 500g ham, salami, bacon and pork mince, 1kg mushrooms, sliced black olives, garlic, herbs, paste and pesto, lychees, pineapple (which we forgot about anyway) and a couple of planty things. This turned out to be far too much of everything except the meats.

Step 3: Have a party.

Booze: Check

Ingredients had to be prepared, with extreme prejudice.

Ham had to be touched.

The base was rolled out with a bottle of 42 below that just happened to be around.

The pre-prepared ingredients were lathered on between beers, grading from meats on one side to increasing amounts of vegetabular contaimination on the other. Olives and Mushrooms (fruit and fungi) were permitted over the whole pizza because they rock. Some clever sod made an animation of the whole thing: Here

Then it was off down the road in a tiny car to our 8:30 appointment with Chin.

Yes Chin, those are Lychees, I didn't mean to make fun.

A Pair of Pizza Perpetrators Posing for Posterity It's in the oven! Can't you just smell the fear on that large pizza? It was anchovies actually. It's cooked.

It's hot! Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!

And now the job of eating it...

The gig is up, you can see here from the size of that pencil that we're actually all really small.

Even with backup from the local volunteer fire service, this is as far as we could get that night:The missing sections are Meat (largest) and vegetarian. The 'no mans land' between them is currently under quarantine in the freezer.

A disappointing effort all round, the fridge wasn't even empty in the morning.

The moral of the story: Eating is cheating.


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